Monday, November 11, 2013

Tender Mercies

For those of you who have taken the Praxis tests or anything similar to become a teacher, you know that the tests aren't too difficult.  But it is one thing: expensive. At least, for a college student.  The price of these tests stressed me out so much instead of the content- which is typically what stresses me out.  I'm not sure about you, but when I get stressed, I become sick.  Everything I ate for the few days before the test made me nauseous- I certainly wasn't excited to take the test in fear that I would fail and have to pay another couple hundred dollars!   

Now that I have made myself look like a complete wussy, IT GETS WORSE! At least, that's the way my head made it to seem... ;) During the test, there was a glitch.  I was unable to see my past answers so I had taken about 75 questions in less than 30 minutes.  Many people would say that that's not a big deal, but it is to me!  I'm the type of person that breezes through the questions at first look, then go back to carefully review each question.  People say they don't go back to look at their questions because they might second guess themselves, but I do it because I have horrible reading comprehension.  I go back just to insure I read the problem correctly!

The fact that I couldn't go back and look at my questions scared me to death.  I had a writing portion after that it immediately took me to.  I wasn't sure if I should take all the time I had left to make sure I perfected my writing portion, or if I would be able to see my questions after I finished writing.  If I picked the first, maybe it could cancel out how fast/horribly I did on the multiple choice, but at the same time, what if I sped through the writing portion too and wasn't able to go back to my questions?!  I was definitely psyching myself out!  For good reason though... right?

I decided to take my time on the writing portion because I was sure that was the only thing that would save my butt on the test.  For the weeks after the test, I told myself it would be a MIRACLE if I passed; I was sure I failed.

I opened my score today and discovered that I PASSED!!!!! The kicker is, I got a 154- which is the cut off for passing.  I am definitely not proud of the score, since I try my best to DO my best.  Before opening my score, I told myself that as long as I passed, that's all I needed and that I would be the happiest girl in the world!  And it's true, I am, and here's why:

Before my test I prayed that I would do my best, as I do with every test.  As long as I do my best- that's all that matters!  Although I feel that I definitely didn't do my best due to the glitch, I think this borderline score shows that my Heavenly Father cares for me.  One more point and I would have thought "Good job, Lacey- you did it!", giving myself the credit for passing.  But with that one less point I think "Thank you, Heavenly Father, for doing the rest for me."  Receiving the lowest passing score humbled me and made me realize that my Heavenly Father cares for me- no matter how insignificant the things I pray for may be.

You might say, "Lacey, calm down... it's just a test."  But there are so many factors that make this test so important.  Moving next year, finances, student teaching... either way, I am thankful for things like this that humble me and make me more grateful.  This is one less thing that I have to worry about and I know it's because I put trust in the Lord. 

I'm sorry if this comes off too sappy, but if you get anything out of this, it would be to try to realize the great things that happen to you!  In the midst of getting down about my score, I stopped and remembered what I said to myself about how much of a miracle it would be if I passed- and I did! I can't go back on that.

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