Refreshed

It's been a while since I've last posted.  I had a little rough patch the past couple months, and I wasn't sure how my posts would translate over since I was stuck in a little pity party! haha is that lame to admit?  ...I found it difficult to express myself because I didn't want others to feel as if they were involved in the situation when they were not.  Needless to say, things are getting better and I'm looking hopeful to the New Year!

Of course, we've all pondered on our New Years resolutions... Am I going to make them?  Should I not?  If I do, will I feel even worse about myself if I don't achieve them?!  I'm sad to say, I have not completely discovered my official goals.  I have some ideas but they are not on paper yet.  It's difficult to get that alone time (especially during the holidays, when I want to be with family) to really retrospect on the past year and who I am as a person, since these things will mold what I want to achieve for this year.

Something that quickly came to mind when I had a little bit of time was how I want to forgive those in my life that have hurt me.  Now, I don't have a sad story to tell, so don't worry, I won't get too close and personal.  But I realized that these same people came into my mind much too often.  Each time, I had a sense of frustration and anger inside myself.  I knew something had to change.  Of course, I don't like confrontation, so I'm not going to approach them, although we are in different states so it would have to be over email.  Either way, I used the approach that has worked for me in a past: write a letter to the person but don't send it.

In this letter, I said everything that I would want to say to them in person.  I expressed how I felt due to their actions and why I felt that way.  It felt wonderful to get these things off my chest!  I knew that if I continued to hold these things against these people for much longer, I hadn't completely forgiven them- as much as I wanted to tell myself I had.  If I hadn't forgiven them, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself and without this, how could I feel good about self-improvement?

I would feel unworthy.

So, as the typical "first post of the year" would usually focus on personal New Year's resolutions, this is one that is essentially the same thing.  In my mind, I have resolved these relationships, allowing myself to feel better.  No more negative thinking.  No more blaming.  No more looking on the past.

I now feel refreshed, refocused, and ready to conquer 2014! 

Just a cute little background story for those of you who would like to know: a couple weeks into dating Josh, I went to pick him up from the SLC airport- committed, right?!  We went to get Chinese and I got this fortune in my cookie. I know it's weird, but when I read it- I immediately thought about Josh proposing in the future.  As you know, he didn't propose then (I would have FREAKED OUT...) but I could completely see it happening.  Little did I know, a few months later, it would come true!

Anyway, while this fortune was a fun little one to receive, I think it's perfect to bring in the New Year!

A tempting proposal will soon present itself to you.  Are you going to take it?